Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
