My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
