Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
