I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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