There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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