how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
