i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
