I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
