your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
