U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have feelings that need drinking.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
