I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
