Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
