It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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