I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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