nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
