Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
birth control should be required to get into college
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
