That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
