I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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