where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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