I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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