I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
