He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
