We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
