I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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