woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
