I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
