I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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