Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
