FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
