At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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