fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
