He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
