i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
