He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
