Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
