dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
