I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
