Define "chronic" masturbator.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
