i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
