Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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