I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
