sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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