Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
