GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
