I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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