His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
