sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i dont even know how to be here
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
