1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
