Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
