also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
