she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
