What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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