i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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