her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
